What Are Some Benefits of the Kingdom Approach To Relationship?

i)                The Father is pleased and glorified – Our goal should be to live for Him, in obedience to Him through our lifestyle (our thoughts, actions, words, etc.).

ii)              It is a seed that will produce after itself – You can be sure that your time invested to build meaningful relationships will yield a good harvest of quality relationships.

iii)            We are satisfied – Psalm 107:9a (ESV) “He satisfies the longing soul”. Most people long for satisfaction in their relationships. One way to achieve this satisfaction is to change your approach.

iv)            Success and prosperity are guaranteed – The pain and dissatisfaction in most relationships hinders success and prosperity because those involved might become victims of self-centeredness in an attempt to resolve relational conflicts. The kingdom approach will spare you the trouble of disorderliness in your relationships.

v)              Stability is guaranteed – A stable relationship is indeed a blessed relationship.

vi)            Longevity (if necessary) is guaranteed- Your relationships will be long and lasting depending on the seasons. We had previously established that great relationships are not necessarily permanent relationships. We need to be sensitive to the times and seasons. Amen.

vii)           A reward is guaranteed – you will gain the attention of the king himself. He will recognize your attempts to abide by His principles then He will reward you. Your reward could be great relationships; resources that will help enhance your relationships; more revelation on how to improve your relational skills and more.

viii)         It is replicable – Always remember that your success in any relationship is not accidental. The principles that led to the success of one relationship are likely to lead to the success of another. Amen.

ix)            It is a blessing to generations – Great relationships are blessings to generations and trans-generation. One great relationship has the potential of changing the destiny of a generation.

x)              It is exemplary to others – The word of God encourages us to be examples. It says in Matthew 5:16 (KJV) Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. We relate with people and when we live exemplary relational lifestyles, we become examples for them to emulate.

xi)            It is a demonstration of your understanding of the knowledge and wisdom of God’s word – James 3:13 (NLT) If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom. Your living, your lifestyle is a clear demonstration of your understanding of the knowledge and wisdom of God’s word. Wisdom is not something that is left to guesswork or something that is unknown. A wise person can be known; likewise a foolish person.

xii)           It is a demonstration of a person’s value system – When you approach relationships from a kingdom perspective, it truly reveals your values. One of which is that Jesus is indeed King of your life.

xiii)         It is a reflection of the glory of the Father’s heart – Relationship is meant to be glorious. A great relationship is indeed a reflection of His glory. God never intended for us to fail in relationships.

xiv)         You are privileged to attract your kind – This is so because when you approach relationships from a kingdom perspective, you engage the principle of seedtime and harvest. Eventually, you begin to surround yourself with like-minded individuals as they do likewise. Amen.

Why The Kingdom Approach To Relationship?

i)                The Kingdom is priority in everything

Matthew 6:33 (NKJV)

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall

be added to you.

ii)              We have been told to do so by the King Himself

Matthew 6:10 (NKJV)

Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

iii)            It is the acceptable and approved lifestyle of the kingdom. Approaching relationships from a kingdom perspective is proof that we are living in obedience to Him and by so doing, we will be rewarded for obedience and also reap the benefits in kingdom relationships.

iv)            We can be sure that we will receive His support when needed. We should shun living our way, yet expect Him to support us. In this case, do not approach relationships from an ungodly perspective yet demand godly standards in order for the relationship to work. Also, do not be ungodly in your approach yet, expect the God to intervene when relationship tides rise.

v)              The Kingdom approach is guaranteed to produce results. It is replicable anywhere, anytime. It is not lived by chance. You can easily trace how and when you got it wrong and make corrections using the word of God. And the beauty is that the word of God is unchanging. Amen.

These are a few reasons why we should approach relationships from a kingdom perspective.

What Season of My Life Am I In?

Every life goes through seasons. We had previously established that relationships are seasonal. Seasonal not only based on how long you all remain in the relationship but also seasonal because, in the course of the relationship, seasons will change in the life of the parties. Because we are looking at understanding yourself prior to any relationship, it is imperative that you understand the seasons of your life with the help of the Holy Spirit. Permit me to say this again “relationship is spiritual” and because it is spiritual, it best enjoyed as a spirit being – one who is led by the spirit of God.

This point is so true because you might miss out on great relationship fellowships because the season of the other person’s life seems very unattractive. And because you are not spirit led, you might get into a relationship because the season of their life seem very attractive not knowing that, like Jesus, after the heaven’s opened over Him at baptism, he was being led to the wilderness. So please be careful.

So, why is it important to understand the seasons of your life?

-Seasons will help you carefully choose your associations at a given time in life.

-Seasons will help you define your needs in a relationship.

-Seasons will enable you to approach others responsibly. Because you are aware of seasons, you will not carelessly do relationships. Amen!

Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV)

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

Emphasis Mine

I want you to see what this scripture is saying, “there is a season for every activity under the heavens”. Relationships included. Amen!  Understand your seasons and become a blessing in your relationships. 

What Are My Contributions To The Relationship?

This question ties in neatly with the previous question which was “What is in the relationship for me? In today’s teaching, we are answering the question “what are my contributions to the relationship?” Please, never get to a place where you think you have nothing to contribute in a relationship. Your contributions must not be financial or physical resources. It could be your advice, your talents, or your creativity. Amen! Every one of us is very unique and gifted and because we are relational beings, we have a duty to tap into our talents and creativity not just for our benefit but for the benefit of those we will get into a relationship with. To do otherwise will be a disfavor to people.

You can determine in your heart what you will like to bless your relationships with. It could be one thing only. But I tell you, you will be approaching the relationships from a kingdom perspective than if you did otherwise. Never feel inferior to anyone. Understand that your assignments are different and just as much as you think you need other people’s contributions, so too do they need yours. What you have to offer may not be as relevant to one person but I guarantee you that it is important to another.

Contribute boldly and confidently for the glory of God. God the Father contributed. Jesus contributed and we are still benefiting from His contributions now. When Jesus contributed, not everyone thought it was relevant or important, but others thought so. Amen. Your mindset should be that of Proverbs 27:17 (NIV) which says “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another”. Be observant and strengthen an area of weakness in your relationships if that is your area of gifting. Do so with a godly attitude and your contributions will be very much appreciated. Amen.

What Is In The Relationship For Me?

Believe it or not, it is very godly to find out what is in a relationship for you. Do not get into any relationship blindly. It is not a question of selfishness rather maximization. To maximize is to make the best use of a thing or person, in this case. Please do not waste relationships. If you understand that relationships are indeed spiritual and seasonal, your approach to relationships will change for good.

The story of David and Goliath of Gath is a great example of this principle. Before getting into a battle relationship with Goliath, David asked the Israelites “what will be done for the man who kills this Philistine and removes this disgrace from Israel?”. David was conscious of this truth and also conscious of the reward system. Truly, there is a reward system in the Kingdom but beyond that, the citizens in the kingdom need to live conscious of it. Amen! David, as a kingdom citizen, understood it and demanded to know for himself. So too you should. It is godly to do so. We are not suggesting an arrogant approach either. Amen!

I will suggest to you an approach that is commonly used to evaluate relationships. Prior to or when in a relationship ask yourself these questions:

-Am I in this relationship to mutually benefit with the others?

-Am I in this relationship to add to the lives of others?

-Am I in this relationship so that the other person adds to my life?

These 3 categories are great because, it helps to give you an understanding of how to relate otherwise you will live life, wasting your relationships. And I must say this, if you are genuinely adding to the other person’s life positively, the purpose is to get to a place of maturity where you all reason the same and dominate in the Kingdom. Amen! Never desire to only add to a person’s life and never expect to see results. We had previously examined the place of expectations in relationships. And we said that even our heavenly Father has expectations of us and rightly so because He has made available to us and deposited within us what we need to know.

Likewise, if you are in a relationship and the other party seems to be the one adding into your life, challenge yourself and grow up to a place of maturity. Do not become a leech. Do not be selfish. Live life beyond yourself. Look at it as an opportunity to learn, grow and become a better relationship being.

Proverbs 13:20 (NIV)

Walk with the wise and become wise,
    for a companion of fools suffers harm.

I will conclude by saying this:

i)                Relationship is not a competition grown. When God created us in His image and likeness, He did not later regret His decision or sought to compete with us. If you observe carefully you will see that our Father is doing everything possible for us to operate from a platform of authority just like He is doing.

ii)              Relationship is like a bank. You can only withdraw what you deposit in it. Do not take advantage of people. If you attempt withdrawing more than you deposited, you risk placing the relationship in an overdrawn state. The principle of seedtime and harvest is very much applicable in this situation (Genesis 8:22).

This is applicable to all relationships. Amen!

What Am I Working On Improving In My Life?

Generally, we can and should desire improvements in our lives. What happens is that based upon the season of your life, the emphasis of your improvements by the Spirit of God might be very specific. However, if at any point in your life, you get to a place where you believe there is nothing else to work on or you do not seem to know what to work on, I encourage you to take a closer look at the area of sacrifice. As you prepare yourself and understand yourself in the process, know that sacrifice in every relationship is a requirement. In fact I will say it this way, “there is no relationship that does not require sacrifice; be it your relationship with God or your relationship with man”. Sacrifice on your part towards God and others is a reflection of selflessness and many other godly virtues.

It was on the foundation of sacrifice that our relationship with the Father was established in the New Testament. He demonstrated sacrifice by giving His only Son to die on the cross for our sins. At every given time, when you enjoy the benefits of the Kingdom lifestyle, always remember that it was established by sacrifice. Amen! The Father sacrificed because of you. Whom are you willing to sacrifice for?

John 3:16 (NIV)

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

More and more, as we answer these questions, it becomes even clearer to us that relationship is indeed spiritual and we really cannot favor a particular group of individuals over others in our manner of approach. The Kingdom approach is the standard. Amen! For your relationships to work, do not selectively sacrifice. The Father sacrificed His only Son on behalf of everyone. In every relationship, live conscious of the principle of sacrifice. Sacrifice of your time, your needs, your preferences, your opinions, your likes, your ideas, and more for the sake of the other(s).

This leads us to answer the next question. What Is In The Relationship For Me? Stay tuned!

Expectations - What Are My Expectations?

Another kingdom approach to relationship is understanding your expectations. Do have expectations? Or are the kind of person that permits any and everything that a relationship has to offer? It is very godly to have expectations and most importantly, to have a proper understanding of your expectations. Our heavenly Father has expectations when it comes to His relationship with us. Did you know that?

Psalm 14:2 (NIV)

The Lord looks down from heaven on all mankind
to see if there are any who understand,
    any who seek God.

This portion of scripture expresses to us the expectation of our Father. We are told that he looks down from heaven to see if there is anyone who understands and anyone who seeks God. Why would He do that? Because He has made His purpose, standards, identity and more very clear to us. Therefore, there is an expectation of compliance. Amen.

It will be unfair for Him to look down from heaven with such expectations if He had not provided the curriculum for us to adhere to.

So too it is with us, we ought to have expectations, clearly communicate our expectations and live in expectation. I will give you an example to help you understand this truth even more. If you expect absolute honesty in your relationships, first you should be able to communicate that – give no room for assumptions. Secondly, you will relate with that person expecting that everything they say and do is true. You would not have to verify every information or action of theirs before implementing because you expect that they are dealing with you from a platform of honesty. Amen!

All these might seem easy, yet, you will be amazed at how many people live on assumptions and never successfully build lasting kingdom relationships. I will say this again, you do not have to be a victim of failed relationships. There is a way that you can see and learn, not necessarily experience the situation before learning.

In Proverbs 24:32 (NIV) we are told this “I applied my heart to what I observed and learned a lesson from what I saw”. Amen!