They Demonstrated Kingdom Priority In Relationship

·       The case of Esther – Esther demonstrated kingdom priority in relationship when she found herself in the palace against her will. A decree was passed by King Ahasuerus and all the young virgins were assembled and extensive body treatments were done to prepare them for the king, after which he will choose who will be the next queen. All these happened after queen Vashti had been dethroned. Amen. This is what I will like us to learn from Esther, in the context of relationship and kingdom priority. Esther 2:15 (NKJV) Now when the turn came for Esther the daughter of Abihail the uncle of Mordecai, who had taken her as his daughter, to go into the king, she requested nothing but what Hegai the king’s eunuch, the custodian of the women, advised. And Esther obtained favor in the sight of all who saw her.

 From a practical perspective, the name Hegai in Hebrew means “word”; it also means “meditation”. By implication, Esther only requested what the word advised. So, although in a relationship she did not choose for herself, she still allowed the word to remain priority. Amen. She is a great example.

The case of Paul and Onesimus – When you read Paul’s Epistle to Philemon, it gives you a better appreciation of kingdom priority in relationship. Summarily, Philemon was a member of the church in Colosse at the time. Meanwhile, Paul was imprisoned in Rome. Onesimus escaped from his slave master Philemon. Upon his escape, Onesimus made his way to Rome, where he eventually met with Paul who led him to Christ. Amen. I want us to see that, first, Paul did not plan to get into any relationship with Onesimus. Secondly, Paul was imprisoned and by implication, his condition was not conducive, nevertheless, that did not stop him from developing a relationship with Onesimus for the purpose of leading Onesimus to Christ. In addition to that, he even encouraged Onesimus to return to his slave master Philemon. Amen.

These are just a few examples of individuals who demonstrated kingdom priority in relationship. Let’s emulate them. Amen.

They Demonstrated Kingdom Values In Relationship

Together, let’s take a look at a few Bible characters who demonstrated kingdom values in their relationship. Our goal is to see the significance of having and maintaining kingdom values even while in relationships.

·       The case of Daniel – The book of Daniel tells us that Daniel was a young man who was taken into Babylonian captivity. Despite the Babylonian captivity (a relationship he was forced into), Daniel did not bow to the values of his environment. Rather, he upheld kingdom values. In that environment of captivity, Daniel fasted and prayed rather than partake of the king’s meat and drink. Daniel worshipped the one and only true God rather than bow down to idols. He lived honorably unto the Lord even when criticized. He understood from scriptures according to the prophecy of Jeremiah, how long the desolation of Jerusalem would last. Meaning he understood the value of getting directions from the word. Amen.

·       The case of Joseph – In Genesis 39, we are told about the story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife. Another great example of someone who was forced into a relationship, this time, by virtue of being sold by his brothers.  While in Potiphar’s home, Potiphar’s wife attempted to have Joseph sin against the Lord with her, Joseph did not compromise his values despite the consequences. Amen.

·       The case of Paul and Barnabas – In the book of Acts 13, we are told that Paul, Barnabas, and John Mark were on their first missionary journey and in Acts 15, John Mark decided to desert them in Pamphylia and left the work. We are not specifically told why John Mark made this decision at such a critical time in their journey. However, this is what I will like us to see. Despite the circumstances faced, Paul and Barnabas had to continue the advancement of the kingdom. Their kingdom pursuit was priority even though their relationship had been affected. Amen.

These are just a few examples of people who maintained their values in the midst of challenging relationships.  Although not specifically stated, I believe the values we see demonstrated by these individuals were not developed during their relationships but rather, prior to their relationships. The pressures of life have a way of forcing us to compromise in our relationships, the values you once upheld. So my encouragement to you is this. Begin working on and defining your kingdom values, do not wait until you get into a relationship before you do so. Amen.

What Are Some Benefits of the Kingdom Approach To Relationship?

i)                The Father is pleased and glorified – Our goal should be to live for Him, in obedience to Him through our lifestyle (our thoughts, actions, words, etc.).

ii)              It is a seed that will produce after itself – You can be sure that your time invested to build meaningful relationships will yield a good harvest of quality relationships.

iii)            We are satisfied – Psalm 107:9a (ESV) “He satisfies the longing soul”. Most people long for satisfaction in their relationships. One way to achieve this satisfaction is to change your approach.

iv)            Success and prosperity are guaranteed – The pain and dissatisfaction in most relationships hinders success and prosperity because those involved might become victims of self-centeredness in an attempt to resolve relational conflicts. The kingdom approach will spare you the trouble of disorderliness in your relationships.

v)              Stability is guaranteed – A stable relationship is indeed a blessed relationship.

vi)            Longevity (if necessary) is guaranteed- Your relationships will be long and lasting depending on the seasons. We had previously established that great relationships are not necessarily permanent relationships. We need to be sensitive to the times and seasons. Amen.

vii)           A reward is guaranteed – you will gain the attention of the king himself. He will recognize your attempts to abide by His principles then He will reward you. Your reward could be great relationships; resources that will help enhance your relationships; more revelation on how to improve your relational skills and more.

viii)         It is replicable – Always remember that your success in any relationship is not accidental. The principles that led to the success of one relationship are likely to lead to the success of another. Amen.

ix)            It is a blessing to generations – Great relationships are blessings to generations and trans-generation. One great relationship has the potential of changing the destiny of a generation.

x)              It is exemplary to others – The word of God encourages us to be examples. It says in Matthew 5:16 (KJV) Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. We relate with people and when we live exemplary relational lifestyles, we become examples for them to emulate.

xi)            It is a demonstration of your understanding of the knowledge and wisdom of God’s word – James 3:13 (NLT) If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom. Your living, your lifestyle is a clear demonstration of your understanding of the knowledge and wisdom of God’s word. Wisdom is not something that is left to guesswork or something that is unknown. A wise person can be known; likewise a foolish person.

xii)           It is a demonstration of a person’s value system – When you approach relationships from a kingdom perspective, it truly reveals your values. One of which is that Jesus is indeed King of your life.

xiii)         It is a reflection of the glory of the Father’s heart – Relationship is meant to be glorious. A great relationship is indeed a reflection of His glory. God never intended for us to fail in relationships.

xiv)         You are privileged to attract your kind – This is so because when you approach relationships from a kingdom perspective, you engage the principle of seedtime and harvest. Eventually, you begin to surround yourself with like-minded individuals as they do likewise. Amen.

Why The Kingdom Approach To Relationship?

i)                The Kingdom is priority in everything

Matthew 6:33 (NKJV)

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall

be added to you.

ii)              We have been told to do so by the King Himself

Matthew 6:10 (NKJV)

Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

iii)            It is the acceptable and approved lifestyle of the kingdom. Approaching relationships from a kingdom perspective is proof that we are living in obedience to Him and by so doing, we will be rewarded for obedience and also reap the benefits in kingdom relationships.

iv)            We can be sure that we will receive His support when needed. We should shun living our way, yet expect Him to support us. In this case, do not approach relationships from an ungodly perspective yet demand godly standards in order for the relationship to work. Also, do not be ungodly in your approach yet, expect the God to intervene when relationship tides rise.

v)              The Kingdom approach is guaranteed to produce results. It is replicable anywhere, anytime. It is not lived by chance. You can easily trace how and when you got it wrong and make corrections using the word of God. And the beauty is that the word of God is unchanging. Amen.

These are a few reasons why we should approach relationships from a kingdom perspective.

What Season of My Life Am I In?

Every life goes through seasons. We had previously established that relationships are seasonal. Seasonal not only based on how long you all remain in the relationship but also seasonal because, in the course of the relationship, seasons will change in the life of the parties. Because we are looking at understanding yourself prior to any relationship, it is imperative that you understand the seasons of your life with the help of the Holy Spirit. Permit me to say this again “relationship is spiritual” and because it is spiritual, it best enjoyed as a spirit being – one who is led by the spirit of God.

This point is so true because you might miss out on great relationship fellowships because the season of the other person’s life seems very unattractive. And because you are not spirit led, you might get into a relationship because the season of their life seem very attractive not knowing that, like Jesus, after the heaven’s opened over Him at baptism, he was being led to the wilderness. So please be careful.

So, why is it important to understand the seasons of your life?

-Seasons will help you carefully choose your associations at a given time in life.

-Seasons will help you define your needs in a relationship.

-Seasons will enable you to approach others responsibly. Because you are aware of seasons, you will not carelessly do relationships. Amen!

Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV)

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

Emphasis Mine

I want you to see what this scripture is saying, “there is a season for every activity under the heavens”. Relationships included. Amen!  Understand your seasons and become a blessing in your relationships. 

What Are My Contributions To The Relationship?

This question ties in neatly with the previous question which was “What is in the relationship for me? In today’s teaching, we are answering the question “what are my contributions to the relationship?” Please, never get to a place where you think you have nothing to contribute in a relationship. Your contributions must not be financial or physical resources. It could be your advice, your talents, or your creativity. Amen! Every one of us is very unique and gifted and because we are relational beings, we have a duty to tap into our talents and creativity not just for our benefit but for the benefit of those we will get into a relationship with. To do otherwise will be a disfavor to people.

You can determine in your heart what you will like to bless your relationships with. It could be one thing only. But I tell you, you will be approaching the relationships from a kingdom perspective than if you did otherwise. Never feel inferior to anyone. Understand that your assignments are different and just as much as you think you need other people’s contributions, so too do they need yours. What you have to offer may not be as relevant to one person but I guarantee you that it is important to another.

Contribute boldly and confidently for the glory of God. God the Father contributed. Jesus contributed and we are still benefiting from His contributions now. When Jesus contributed, not everyone thought it was relevant or important, but others thought so. Amen. Your mindset should be that of Proverbs 27:17 (NIV) which says “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another”. Be observant and strengthen an area of weakness in your relationships if that is your area of gifting. Do so with a godly attitude and your contributions will be very much appreciated. Amen.

What Is In The Relationship For Me?

Believe it or not, it is very godly to find out what is in a relationship for you. Do not get into any relationship blindly. It is not a question of selfishness rather maximization. To maximize is to make the best use of a thing or person, in this case. Please do not waste relationships. If you understand that relationships are indeed spiritual and seasonal, your approach to relationships will change for good.

The story of David and Goliath of Gath is a great example of this principle. Before getting into a battle relationship with Goliath, David asked the Israelites “what will be done for the man who kills this Philistine and removes this disgrace from Israel?”. David was conscious of this truth and also conscious of the reward system. Truly, there is a reward system in the Kingdom but beyond that, the citizens in the kingdom need to live conscious of it. Amen! David, as a kingdom citizen, understood it and demanded to know for himself. So too you should. It is godly to do so. We are not suggesting an arrogant approach either. Amen!

I will suggest to you an approach that is commonly used to evaluate relationships. Prior to or when in a relationship ask yourself these questions:

-Am I in this relationship to mutually benefit with the others?

-Am I in this relationship to add to the lives of others?

-Am I in this relationship so that the other person adds to my life?

These 3 categories are great because, it helps to give you an understanding of how to relate otherwise you will live life, wasting your relationships. And I must say this, if you are genuinely adding to the other person’s life positively, the purpose is to get to a place of maturity where you all reason the same and dominate in the Kingdom. Amen! Never desire to only add to a person’s life and never expect to see results. We had previously examined the place of expectations in relationships. And we said that even our heavenly Father has expectations of us and rightly so because He has made available to us and deposited within us what we need to know.

Likewise, if you are in a relationship and the other party seems to be the one adding into your life, challenge yourself and grow up to a place of maturity. Do not become a leech. Do not be selfish. Live life beyond yourself. Look at it as an opportunity to learn, grow and become a better relationship being.

Proverbs 13:20 (NIV)

Walk with the wise and become wise,
    for a companion of fools suffers harm.

I will conclude by saying this:

i)                Relationship is not a competition grown. When God created us in His image and likeness, He did not later regret His decision or sought to compete with us. If you observe carefully you will see that our Father is doing everything possible for us to operate from a platform of authority just like He is doing.

ii)              Relationship is like a bank. You can only withdraw what you deposit in it. Do not take advantage of people. If you attempt withdrawing more than you deposited, you risk placing the relationship in an overdrawn state. The principle of seedtime and harvest is very much applicable in this situation (Genesis 8:22).

This is applicable to all relationships. Amen!